Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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