woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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