I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
