The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
