I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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