she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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