if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
