he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
