she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
