it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
