Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
