Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
