let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it glows. i had to have it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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