I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
