The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
