So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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