I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
