i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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