A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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