Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
