shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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