my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
