im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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