He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
