shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
