I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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