Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
