I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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