I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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