I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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