my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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