i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you traded sex for a burrito?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
