I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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