Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
