You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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