Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
