Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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