i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
