census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
