During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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