I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
