did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
