Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
