Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
