I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
