Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
