First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
