I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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