I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
