can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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