I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
