i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
